Oddly enough, its come to my attention that my ex-wife just hasn’t moved on with her life.  She actually reads my blog to keep up with what I’m doing with my life.  Somehow she still feels entitled to the fruit of my hard work and lies to herself about the last days of our marriage.  And that’s a shame.

Let me just spend a moment on this.  I was married to her for 18 years and we had 4 kids.  One was miscarriaged due to her high blood pressure brought on by fatty foods and the onset of diabetes.  She didn’t learn from or listen to the nutritionists.  Still hasn’t learned and still blames everybody else but herself, Cap’n D’s or the fried pork chops at 3am.

In the summer of 2004, we lived in Okinawa, Japan; an expensive place to live especially on a military salary with 4 kids and a wife with a gambling addiction.  It was everything I could do to keep us above water, financially.

One of the most important aspects in keeping a security clearance is your financial stability.  Someone who is in debt or mismanages his household’s and personal finance is a liability.  At the time, I had (and still maintain) a high security clearance but I had to make a serious choice.

That summer, she stole my personal checks for my personal account, not a joint account.  She forged my signature on the 1st check written on a Monday for $600, cashed it at the NCO club and blew the whole thing on Bingo without saying a word of remorse.  On Tuesday, she wrote another for $600, cashed it and wired it to the bank to cover the first check.  On Wednesday, she wrote another, cashed it and again blew it on Bingo.  On Thursday, she repeated Tuesday expect this time the NCO club and the bank asked if I knew what was going on with my account.

That was the final straw.  I could no longer jeopardized my career.  If some day my kids ever needed me for financial backing, I had to fix things or get away from this pariah.

I put 3 choices on the table and told her to pick one.

1) “I’ll stand by you to get help for your addiction and bi-polar disorder.  We’ll get counseling so you can be a better wife and mother.  We’ll fix this.”  She rejected it saying “ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do.”  Took it off the table.

2) “I’ll sign this bank complaint, take it to the military police, you’ll be arrested for bank fraud, interstate commerce trafficking, identity theft and forgery.  You’ll be sent back to the states, without the kids, to face punishment because you’ve violated the SOFA status with the US & Japan.”  She didn’t like that idea.  Took it off the table.

3) “Give me a divorce.  Give me a simple, fast, cheap, uncontested divorce with no bitching or moaning.  You can have the furniture, the kids, the new car that’s in storage, child support and alimony.  You’ll be set and I can get my life back.  My career, my financial foundation, my retirement future and my own happiness, I need it back.  Its worth it.”  She said, “Well ok, since you don’t love me anymore.”  She failed to understand that option1 was love.

She and the kids left me in the latter part of 2004, close to the holiday season.  It was a terrible time for me.  I lost everything that was important to me and had to rebuild from scratch.  Major depression of course but I came through it, stronger, wiser and more determined.

What about the kids?  I haven’t seen them but maybe once or twice in these 4 years.  My 2nd oldest asked on 4 separate occassions if she could come and live with me.  Each time I agreed but it was just a ploy to get attention from her mom.  They don’t write and seemingly don’t care.  But God has a way of correcting these things.  One day when they mature, they’ll see things differently and they’ll have their dad back.

My ex is not entitled to an ounce more of happiness from me.  Its sad to think about what she and my kids have missed and are missing out.  I don’t hate her or have any malice toward her and, honestly, rarely think about her.  I feel sorry for someone who steals the savings from her kids, who blames everyone else for her troubles and who won’t let her grown kids have their own so they can be on their own. 

In Apr 28, 2006, I was granted a divorce and invited my closest friends to my official divorcing at Sauce (New Orleans style restaurant in Okinawa).  Just like a wedding but the opposite.  My friend unlocked the handcuffs.  That marked my freedom and, yes, I was out on the dating scene full throttle, like a sex-starved fool.

That is until I met a smart, young, school teacher running her own school for elementary kids.  A funny girl who was honest, kind and respectful especially to her family and her Japanese culture.  This is the kind of woman I should have married 18 years ago.

I wasn’t about to throw away this blessing, so I listened to Jesus, made her my wife on June 20, 2006 (20.06.2006) and I’ve been happy ever since.  My new business is thriving, my career is sound and my financial foundation is stronger than I’ve ever seen it.

My wife and I were married in Japan and honeymooned in Hawaii, where we lived for 3 years.  Our wedding bands are designed by Hawaiian Heritage.  Mine is embossed with “MauLoa” which means I’m her steadfast rock on which she can depend.  Hers says “Kealoha” which means she’s the source of my love and joy.  We chose those for each other.  She sold her school and misses the kids but enjoys being a housewife.  We take good care keeping each other healthy, safe and happy.  And isn’t that what its all about?

Someone said, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”  She was right.